


Treading the Riptide

by flyingwide



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Anyone who thinks sucking dick is an inherently submissive act has never seen Rafael Barba do it, Enthusiastic Consent, First Time, M/M, Mild Painplay, Not quite PWP, Oral Sex, Under-negotiated Kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-17
Updated: 2017-05-09
Packaged: 2018-09-18 03:34:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 17,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9366275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flyingwide/pseuds/flyingwide
Summary: Barba’s narrowed eyes flashed over him, assessing, and he knew any hope he had that Barba had by some miracle not managed to catch that was futile. “And you’re still interested?” he asked, voice soft and quiet and tripping some alarm in Sonny that blared “deadly.” He’s a danger to you, his mind screamed at him. He’ll eat you alive.“Definitely.”No one ever accused Sonny Carisi of being a coward. Or of having a strong sense of self-preservation.





	1. Bad Intentions

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "Bad Intentions" by Niykee Heaton. Shoutout to Pandora for playing it right when I was in the middle of this fic and giving me that beautiful "aha" moment.
> 
> I did an embaaaaarrassing amount of research for 6k of porn, guys. Embarrassing amount. Like, this took a whole day longer than it should have and I had to add an extra 300 words when I figured out that I was using the wrong damn courthouse so fuck you, New York County. As such, holy shit tell me if I got something wrong so I don't find out later and cry.
> 
> A heartfelt thank you to Amelia for editing this like 8 times, holding my hand through all of it, and kicking me until I made Carisi more Carisi-like. And also for dragging me into SVU, kicking and screaming, and giving me the will to write again after like half a year of general writers-blocked-ness and lack of time/energy. Who knew that all I needed in my life was a little Rafael Barba.

Sonny watched Barba often. Rollins teased him about it, falling back to the middle school joke about taking a picture. He didn’t tell her that a picture could never capture the way he moved, the way he spoke, the intensity in his expression when someone handed him an opening he could _use_. He didn’t tell her these things because he knew well enough how embarrassing saying the words would be, let alone how embarrassing it was to admit to himself that he didn’t actually know if he wanted to  _be_ Barba or…

So he watched him, in court and out of it. He watched him look his own mortality in the face and have the audacity to respond with “Try me.” He watched the way he grabbed a room’s attention just by walking into it, the way he charmed anyone and everyone he came in contact with like it was second nature. He watched the way he was a mix of fury and despair and guilt after a loss before he stuffed it all back behind the unaffected façade that he presented to the world. 

Sonny fell in step with him after one of the brutal cases. A mistrial was certainly better than a not guilty verdict but it was hard to keep a hold on that in the face of a sobbing victim. The words would be empty and would poison the air they were spoken into so Sonny kept quiet. After a soft word to the victim, young and heartbroken, huddled in Liv’s arms, they were both silent until they hit the doors of the Supreme Court building and walked out into the stifling heat of a late afternoon sun bouncing off buildings of steel and glass.

“Sometimes you have to wonder what the hell juries are seeing,” Sonny said, pulling at the collar of his shirt against the oppressive heat. Barba, of course, looked untouched.

“I’m good at my job but so are defense attorneys. At least some of them followed the path Buchanan laid out for them,” Barba said, looking at his Blackberry as they waited for the light at Worth and Center to change. 

“What a dick,” Sonny muttered and was pleased when he glanced at Barba to see him trying to hide a smile as the walk sign flashed. 

“He’s got a job to do, same as anyone,” Barba said piously as they crossed the street.

They passed DCAS quickly, Barba only looking up for safety’s sake, and he waited for the car to pass on Hogan before striding quickly across the one-way street, Sonny at his heels.

“You think he’s a dick too, look at you.”

“What I think is irrelevant to the fact that today, he did his job better than mine,” Barba said, smile dropping off as he jerked open the door of the Criminal Court building, stepping aside to let a woman carrying a young child against her hip through.

“Hey, mistrial means you at least tied,” Sonny told him as they walked to the elevator.

“Anything other than justice for that kid means I lost.” The end-of-day crowd poured out of the elevators doors as they opened and the two men stepped in. Barba jammed the 7 with more force than necessity required and let out a slow breath. He glanced at Sonny and quirked a small smile. 

“Are you following me home, Detective?” he asked. Sonny blinked twice before realizing that he’d unthinkingly followed Barba the block and a half between courthouses. 

“If you consider your office home, I might have to start worrying about you.” Barba’s smile blossomed into something Sonny hoped was real, shrinking just as fast as it’d grown as if smiles were currency and he wasn’t willing to bid too high.

“Can’t have that,” he said lightly. 

“No, but really. What are your plans for tonight?” Sonny asked as the elevator doors swung open. He dodged around people entering the elevator to keep pace with Barba as he strode towards his office. Barba glanced at him.

“Why?” he asked, nodding at Carmen as he opened his office door and gestured for Sonny to enter first. Sonny brushed against him as he passed and willed himself not to react in any way. He stopped a few feet inside the door and watched Barba head for the empty coffee pot, frown at it, then turn towards his desk. He grabbed a file and flipped it open, leaning back against his desk, gesturing absently at the door with the pen in his hand. Sonny pulled it shut.

“Look, when was the last time you took a night off? Do you cook?”

Barba furrowed his brow and glanced up, file falling shut. He shook his head slightly. “I’m capable. Why?”

“I just… You need to take care of yourself. You work a ridiculous amount, like more than I do. More than Liv does. You eat dinner in your office or at a bar while working.” Barba opened his mouth and Sonny cut him off. “And don’t say you don’t, I was your shadow and you’re full of shit.” 

Barba grinned at him, surprised. “Are you attempting to bully me into going home and cooking?” 

“No,” Sonny said, grinning back. “I’m attempting to bully you into letting me cook for you while you do something other than work.”

The smile on his face dimming, Barba turned to his desk. He set the file down and reached to pull a stack of them from his briefcase and set them on the far edge of the desk. “Why?” 

“You keep asking me that, Counselor. Am I on the stand? Why what?”

“Why are you so interested all of a sudden?” The question was asked of his desk and Sonny stared at Barba’s back, chest tight with something that wasn’t quite fear, wasn’t quite hurt.

“Sorry I ever made you think I _wasn’t_ interested.” It was a bit more honest than he’d intended, or at least too unintentionally close to the truth. But at least it got Barba to look at him, even if he was shaking his head and looking at Sonny like he was some puzzle he was almost frustrated enough with to give up on.

“Have you ever met anyone you didn’t care about? Do you have anyone in your life that you’re just… ambivalent on?” 

Sonny hunched his shoulders defensively. “What are you askin’ me?”

“How do you  _care_ so much?” Something like bewilderment knitted Barba’s brows and pulled at his mouth. Sonny shrugged a little helplessly. “Someone like you… How does it not break your fucking heart, doing this job?” 

Shaking his head, Sonny shrugged again and spread his hands. “It does. Over and over again, it breaks my heart. But I’m of use.”

Barba looked at him for a second, searching his face for something. Then he sagged back against his desk and rubbed his hands over his face, pressing the heels of his palms against his eyes. “Today was shit,” he muttered. He looked up at Sonny and shook his head again. He looked down at the expanse of carpet between them, Sonny still only a few feet from the door while Barba leaned on the near edge of his desk. When he looked up again, his gaze took in Sonny from his shoes to his eyes, where they locked. There was steel and determination in his expression, like he’d made a decision and was sticking to it. “Drive me home, Detective?”

“Oh. My car’s still at SVU,” Sonny said, arms lifting to gesture over his shoulder. “I could-“ he starts but Barba gets there first.

“Then we’ll take a cab.”

“Oh,” Sonny said eloquently, brain catching on the “we.”

“If you’re still interested. And aren’t needed at SVU.”

“Oh, yeah, no, Liv didn’t even want me coming in today, OT’s been a fuckin’ killer this week, but I wanted to watch you so I came to court with Rollins after Liv kicked me outta there.” As soon as it was out of his mouth, Sonny wanted to shove the words back in his throat. Barring that, he would also have accepted a previously-undiscovered fault line in New York to make itself known as it swallowed him up. He put all of his mental strength into schooling his features into something approaching expressionless.

 _I wanted to watch you._ Jesus fuck. 

Barba’s narrowed eyes flashed over him, assessing, and he knew any hope he had that Barba had by some miracle not managed to catch that was futile. “And you’re still interested?” he asked, voice soft and quiet and tripping some alarm in Sonny that blared “deadly.” He’s a danger to you, his mind screamed at him. He’ll eat you alive.

“Definitely.”

No one ever accused Sonny Carisi of being a coward. Or of having a strong sense of self-preservation.

 

Barba held the door of his building open for Sonny. Sonny wondered absently how much of it was habit and how much of it was him making a point of actively inviting Sonny into what has his. He was even less sure when Barba gestured similarly to a woman waiting in the lobby when the elevator arrived. She stepped off the elevator before they did and they rode up in silence until Barba said, “If I knew all it took you shut you up for an hour was to invite you over, I would have done it months ago.”

“Ha ha,” Sonny said, deadpan. Barba’s lips twitched in a smile and Sonny couldn’t help but smile back. “Whatever, you just don’t want to admit that you don’t hate me,” he accused as they exited the elevator and he followed Barba around a corner. 

“I don’t hate you,” Barba told him, unlocking his door once he reached it. “I hate… a not insignificant number of people in this city but you are not among them.” Sonny tried to read the square of Barba’s shoulder or the line of his back or the surprisingly gentle tone he usually reserved for victims or their mothers. He didn’t get anything; more accurately, he didn’t know what to do with what he saw.

“Aw, you’re too sweet to me,” Sonny teased, his fallback when he didn’t know how to read a situation. Barba just gave him a sardonic half smile and held the door open for him once again. That answered that. 

The apartment wasn’t large by any stretch but it wasn’t a shoebox. Or maybe the large glass windows catching the sunset and setting the orange light glinting off of modern white lines in the kitchen and living areas of the open space before them gave an illusion of space that New York never truly offered. 

“Damn,” Sonny said lightly.

“Your praise is overwhelming,” Barba informed him, locking the door behind them both. The click caught Sonny’s attention and he watched Barba walk away from the door, wondering if that was habit or a recently-acquired action courtesy of one Felipe Heredio and his employers.

Barba set his bag down on the dining table, set off to the side of the living area, and took out two files, flipping through one while the other spilled two clipped sets of dog-eared pages out of its sides. Sonny crossed the distance quickly enough.

“Hey, the point of this was for you not to work, remember? You’ve done enough today.” The tone was meant to be teasing but it came out soft, like he was coaxing an ill-tempered cat towards him. Barba, the most ill-tempered cat Sonny had ever met, snapped his gaze up to Sonny, taking in just how close he’d gotten.

Barba stepped around the chair in between them and closed the few feet separating them. Sonny was debating whether to take a step back, if this was some sort of territorial display he’d unintentionally begun, when Barba slid a finger under the knot of his tie. The action pulled his tie loose as it pulled Sonny closed, the blade of the tie dimpling under Barba’s grip on it. Sonny’s breath came shallow, something that puzzled the small part of his brain that was focused on anything other than Barba’s mouth close to his own. The tie is looser, it said. Breathing should be easier. Shut up, said the rest of him. And he did.

“Can I help you, Counselor?” he asked, voice quiet and breath pulled in in shallow little gasps like breathing too hard would disrupt the fragile ecosystem of two men sharing space.

“If I said yes, you’d do it, wouldn’t you? Anything you could give to help me. You’re too kind for your own good.”

Sonny licked his lips, watched Barba’s eyes follow his tongue. “’m not that kind,” Sonny told him hoarsely. Barba’s thumb rubbed against the fabric momentarily before something in his face changed and he let go of Sonny’s tie entirely, sliding his thumb back out. Sonny’s left hand shot up without his conscious thought that it should do so, getting a firm but gentle grip on Barba’s wrist before it could fall to his side.

Barba flicked his eyes down at their hands then back up again at Sonny’s face, never moving his head to do so. In fact, he’d gone stock still. Sonny rubbed lightly at the fragile skin covering vital blue veins. He watched the line of Barba’s throat as he swallowed. He watched and he waited.

“Are you gonna kiss me?” he asked quietly. He wasn’t sure how he could have read this wrong but if anyone could…

“Would you like me too?” was the response, as quiet and measured as his own question.

“Yeah,” he replied, pretty sure it was obvious by that point. If there had ever even been a time that it wasn’t obvious. Barba raised his right hand, the one that Sonny had held, and moved it to Sonny’s neck as Sonny’s own hand slid down towards Barba’s elbow. Barba tugged him closer and met him halfway.

It would have been a cliché to say that fireworks had exploded and the apartment could have caught on fire around them. More than that, it would have been untrue. The kiss was quick, chaste, and far less than what Sonny had been hoping for. Barba pulled back and looked at him, searching his face. Sonny let him; Sonny had had months of watching Barba react to things and fair enough was fair enough.

But when Barba leaned in again, Sonny moved his hand from Barba’s arm to his back and held him close. Barba’s fingers dug into the skin on Sonny’s neck, holding him just as tightly as he was held. This kiss was better and much closer to what Sonny had been after.

As they kissed, Sonny felt a hysterical laugh bubble up in him that he was here, in Barba’s kitchen, making out with him like a teenager with their first boyfriend. They’d barely made it in the door. And yet it didn’t feel like they had rushed to get here. It felt like they’d taken their sweet-ass time and they’d finally, _finally_  ended up where they were supposed to be.

“I want this off," Barba said, pushing at the fabric of Sonny's jacket like it offended him. Hell, it probably did, not half as nice as anything Barba ever wore. Sonny shrugged it off easily enough then said, "Yours too." 

Barba looked at him suspiciously but took it off and laid it gently over Sonny's outstretched arm. "The tie too." Barba's eyes narrowed further but he draped his tie over his jacket, the purple looking gorgeous and perfectly placed against the charcoal. Sonny pressed them to his own suit and took his tie off one-handed; Barba's pulling at it made it hang loose around his neck and it was easy enough to get it free. He tossed them all on the far side of the dining table and silenced Barba's protest with a swift kiss.

"No respect," Barba grumbled but kissed him back. Sonny knew there wasn’t a whole lot of difference with their jackets gone but it felt like one. Barba fit in his arms, the fine cotton of his shirt gripped between his fingers. 

Barba’s fingers pulled at the top button of Sonny’s shirt. “May I?” he asked, mouth pressing lightly to the underside of Sonny’s jaw.

“Absolutely,” Sonny said, hand sliding up to toy with the hair at the nape of Barba’s hair. Soon enough, he had all the buttons undone. Sonny shivered, though it wasn’t cold in the apartment. Barba lightly touched his fingers to Sonny’s chest, both hands moving over skin.

“No undershirt?” Barba asked, tone light but expression teasing.

“It’s been so damn hot lately!” Sonny retorted, flushing both at the gentle rebuke and at the feel of Barba’s lips on his bare skin.

“Uh-huh,” Barba replied directly against Sonny’s skin. He smiled at Sonny’s hissed, “ _Fuck_ ,” and scraped his teeth lightly across Sonny’s nipple when Sonny tangled his fingers in the hair he had been content just to toy with before. 

“I want to… Your shirt, Take yours off too,” Sonny managed to get out, reaching down to pluck at the fabric. Barba straightened up and gave Sonny a look he couldn’t quite read, like Barba was humoring him. But he undid the buttons at his throat and stomach and wrist, the white shirt shot through with lilac standing out against the solid black of his suspenders. Sonny reached out cautiously, not quite sure if he was allowed but willing to beg forgiveness, and helped the suspenders off Barba’s shoulders. Now loose, Barba removed his shirt entirely, folding it neatly and rolling his eyes when Carisi took it from his hands and tossed it over the back of the couch a few feet away.

“You’re not wearing an undershirt either.” The accusing tone he’d intended to take got lost somewhere in the realization that Rafael Barba was standing in front of him, bare from the waist up. Instead, it came out with something like awe and he would have been embarrassed if he remembered to care.

“No, I’m not,” Barba confirmed, stepping towards him once again. Sonny caught him in his arms and kissed him. Skin on skin contact was more than he was prepared for and he had to pull away just to groan.

Barba took advantage, leaning down again to nip at the skin of his chest, before straightening and shoving Sonny back against the table, the edge of it digging slightly uncomfortably against the small of his back. He glanced back at it on instinct but whipped his head around when he saw Barba drop to his knees in front of him. Sonny gripped the table unconsciously, knuckles not quite white. 

“May I?” Barba asked again, posture straight and expression somehow still haughty.

“Um,” was the eloquent reply. Barba waited.

“You don’t have to,” Sonny stuttered out, words tripping over themselves on the way out of his mouth. “I didn’t come here with the expectation that you would… We can just… I don’t want you to think I’m only after…” Barba raised an eyebrow at him and he trailed off.

“As much as I appreciate that Liv’s sermons on the subject of enthusiastic consent have made a deep personal impact on you, I’m not doing this for any reason less than because I want to. So stop worrying about me and tell me if you’re all right with my mouth on your dick.”

“Yeah, I…,” Sonny said, willing his brain to do something than take in the image of Barba on his knees, waiting. He cleared his throat. “Yeah.” He nodded in a way he hoped came off as decisive.

The way Barba subtly rolled his eyes as he worked at Sonny’s belt didn’t bode well but he was taking the win anyway. 

Barba wasn’t gentle, shoving Sonny’s pants and underwear to his knees, belt clinking. He took Sonny’s cock in his hand and jacked it, quick and rough. Sonny half-expected Barba to tell him to hurry up and get hard, he didn’t have all day. Sonny gripped the table behind him a little tighter and took his bottom lip between his teeth.

Apparently sufficiently pleased with Sonny’s progress, Barba lapped at the head before taking Sonny into his mouth with no fanfare. Sonny’s knees just about gave out. Barba hollowed his cheeks and sucked hard; Sonny let out a groan that would have been embarrassing if he was capable of giving it even a single thought.

Sonny was… not inexperienced, in his own estimation. This certainly wasn’t the first time he’d ever had a mouth on him, nor even a male one. But something about this situation, maybe that it was Barba, who he’d been crushing on forever, or that it was _Barba_ , who was never less than 100% together, never less than self-assured and controlled in all things, had him clinging to the table like it was his only chance at life. 

There was almost a challenge in Barba's eyes, like he wanted to destroy Sonny like this, just demolish the foundation he stood on. Sonny thought absently that it was possible he just might when he pulled out of his mouth and Barba managed to catch the tip of Sonny's cock on his tongue.

"Can I..." Sonny started but stopped, unsure of his footing here. Barba smirked at him like his thoughts were picked out in neon lights above his head.

"Can you pull my hair?" Sonny swallowed and nodded. "Be my guest." He said it as he leaned forward to press a chaste kiss to the slit of Sonny's cock. When Sonny groaned, he applied his tongue and preened at Sonny's whispered oath of _"Jesus."_  

Sonny put a tentative hand on Barba's head. Barba hummed appreciatively as he sucked on the head of Sonny's cock.

"Fuck!" Sonny said, grabbing a fistful of Barba's hair on instinct. He couldn’t tell if it was the grip of his fist or Barba's own intentions that had Barba rocking back on his heels. Sonny loosened his fingers and watched Barba's tongue wet his own swollen lips.

"Are you always this vocal?" he asked, voice dark and smooth and _pleased_.

"Uh," Sonny said. "I can try to shut up?"

Barba shook his head slightly, not enough to dislodge Sonny's fingers. "Don't bother. I like hearing you."

"Shit," Sonny hissed as Barba took him back into his mouth, deep and sudden. Barba looked up at him with something like reproach. It took a second for Sonny to figure how he had failed here; he took a firm hold on Barba's hair and Barba closed his eyes, apparently satisfied.

Sonny felt a tongue drawing up and down the underside of his cock and groaned, louder than he maybe intended. Barba didn't mind if the way he was bobbing his head to work Sonny deeper in him was any indication.

Sonny felt his cock hit the back of Barba's throat and his knees almost buckled. He pulled hard at Barba's hair and his eyes almost rolled back in his head watching the full body shudder that rippled through Barba.

"Fuck, you like me pulling your hair like that?" he asked, barely above a whisper. "That does it for you?"

Barba gave him an unamused look and applied a hint of teeth. Sonny hissed.

"I'm not teasing you or trying to talk dirty, I just.... fuck. I wanna know what you're into here. I want..." Barba looked at him as if waiting for him to finish, completely still around Sonny's cock. "I want to make you feel good," he finished a little helplessly.

Barba leaned forward again, nose pressed almost to Sonny's pubic bone, his cock hitting the back of Barba's throat and staying there. He felt it constrict and flutter around him and let out a noise that barely sounded human, a guttural groan that felt like it had been ripped out of him from his toes. Barba stayed there for a second, five, then pulled off entirely, sucking in a great gasp of air and swallowing repeatedly. Sonny stroked at his scalp, attempting some sort of comfort. Barba allowed it for a few seconds, even closed his eyes to the sensation, before he reached up to tighten Sonny's grip within his own and pulled Sonny's hip closer so he could take him in again. 

He started to take him deep again but seemed to change his mind and pull off. "I don't trust you not to fall on me when you come. Go sit somewhere." His voice was gravelly and Sonny felt a surge of want shoot through him at the sound, so much so that it took him a while to take in the words. Barba helped kickstart his brain by slapping lightly at Sonny's bare flank when he didn't move quickly enough.

"Oh. Right," he said and had to force the fingers of his left hand out of the death grip they had on the table behind him. He looked for a seat, feeling ridiculous with his pants around his knees and shirt unbuttoned and nearly hanging off his shoulders. He shuffled to the closest chair, turning it so it faced out into the room instead of the table it sat at. He sat heavily, ankles protesting at the constricted walk he'd just engaged in.

Barba had watched his progress from his knees, leaning back on his heels. Once Sonny was settled, he smirked at him and licked his lips before tipping forward and getting to his feet in one graceful movement. He followed Sonny the few feet that he had traveled, not hindered as Sonny had been but not completely unaffected by the cock Sonny could see lying heavy against Barba’s zipper, and sunk down to his knees again, never once breaking eye contact with Sonny.

Sonny gripped the arms of the chair tight, a thought spared to wonder if his nails would leave gouges. Barba smacked his right hand smartly, enough for Sonny to get the message of what exactly that hand should be gripping. With his hand firmly in Barba's hair again, Barba sank forward onto Sonny's cock, sighing in what Sonny hoped was pleasure around the head.

 _"God,"_ he said breathily, both an oath and an invocation. Barba only hollowed his cheeks and took him deeper.

Sonny felt toyed with, like Barba knew exactly what he was doing and had some psychic ability to know exactly how to drive him over the edge. He tried to tell him that but all that came out was, "You make me crazy." Barba's only response was to run the tip of his tongue under the flared head of his cock. Sonny's hips twitched up, a harder move now that he was sitting. 

Barba narrowed his eyes and pulled off; Sonny started apologizing immediately.

"Sorry, sorry, I won't move, I didn't mean to." Barba ignored him and pulled at the back of Sonny's knees, skin sticking and sliding over the leather of the seat until he was resting on the very edge of it.

"Oh. Do you... you want me to..."

Barba leveled him with a look that clearly said, "I know you're not this stupid." It was a look Sonny got often enough to recognize it even in this brand new context.

"You want me to... to fuck your mouth," he clarified, less question than statement.

"No, I'm down here because I like the way my knees feel after."

Properly chastised, Sonny nodded. "Yeah, ok. I can... I can do that."

"I have faith in your ability to try your utmost," Barba said, deadpan.

Sonny practiced leveraging his hips up a little before scooting forward, making the motion even easier. Barba rolled his eyes but waited. Sonny wrapped his fingers in Barba's hair and let out a noise that was half stuttered breath, half groan when Barba's mouth dropped open easily and his eyes closed. "Fucking hell," he muttered, toes literally curling inside his shoes. He adjusted his grip and tugged Barba a little closer, gentle but firm. Barba tipped into him easily and he slid his cock into Barba's mouth.

He didn't push deep, having no interest in choking Barba. His cock rested on Barba's tongue, leaking precum as Barba's warm breath puffed over the head. He slid a little deeper only to pull out almost immediately, watching Barba's throat work as he swallowed the saliva and precum that had accumulated.

"If you're being this slow for my sake, your effort is wasted," Barba informed him, eyes still closed.

"Maybe I'm doing it for me, ok? This is the first you've let me give instead of just taking. Shut up and let me be gentle with you." The words were sharp but the tone was affectionate, frustration only belied by the speed of his speech. Barba did, in fact, shut up so Sonny considered the tally in his favor.

Sonny was, as always, considerate so he added a little more force on his next thrust in. He didn't go deep enough to hit the back of Barba's throat but his tongue fluttered on instinct as Sonny’s cock rested on the back of his tongue. Sonny didn't leave it for more than a few seconds before pulling out. Barba pulled in a deep breath before Sonny shoved in again, thighs flexing and hand gripping Barba's hair tight. Barba could have pulled away if he wanted to but Sonny discovered that he was more fond of the illusion that he had Barba trapped than he thought he would, maybe specifically because he knew he didn't really.

Barba's face was relaxed and expressionless, mouth hanging open as Sonny shoved in again. His stillness seemed so at odds with the fire running through Sonny's veins, the shaking in his hands and thighs and torso. He let go of the chair to reach a shaking hand for Barba’s shoulder, the skin on skin grounding him. Barba opened his eyes, watching Sonny touch him like he was incapable of holding himself back anymore. Sonny knew he couldn't hold out a whole lot longer on the whole, not with the way his body was screaming at him to chase his orgasm, damn the costs, and finish.

"Can I..." he stuttered out. "Inside you, can I-"

"Yes," Barba said curtly, the only noise he'd made in long minutes.

"Fuck," Sonny muttered and shoved back in. He couldn't hold himself back completely, truly fucking Barba's mouth now. He felt like his brain had been ejected from his body or at least taken temporarily offline as his body chased orgasm within the warm willing body before him.

Barba breathed loudly through his nose but showed no signs of distress as Sonny used his grip on his hair to pull his head back, changing the angle to better suit him and displaying the lines of Barba's throat.

Sonny had his feet planted and was thrusting hard when orgasm hit him. He shoved deep on instinct and Barba went deadly still. His cock pulsed across Barba's tongue and Sonny thought he might pass out at the feel of Barba swallowing around him. Feeling wrung out and stomach seizing from the strain of holding himself back, he collapsed into the seat. Sonny knew he looked ridiculous, sweat covered and cock on full display as his pants were at his ankles, especially when compared to how together Barba managed to look as he sat back on his heels. Barba's hair was a mess, sticking up in all directions and ruffled out of its usual controlled look. That was the only thing that looked out of place, except for the missing shirt and, more immediately, the dribble of come marking the left side of Barba's mouth. It was quickly dispatched with by a quick swipe of a thumb which was in turn cleaned by a nimble tongue.

"Fuck  _me_ ," Sonny muttered, heartfelt. Barba laughed as he stood, Sonny noting that he was still hard. Barba himself didn’t seem to pay it any mind.

"Maybe later," he replied, dusting off the knees of his pants and looking around for where his clothes were. His shirt and jacket were in opposite directions and he frowned at this discovery. One apparently took precedence, as he walked over to where his and Sonny's jackets and ties laid in a pile on the table. Barba gathered them up. He placed his jacket to hang off the boxy back of another chair with his tie laid over it and brought Sonny's to him.

Sonny took the items from Barba's hands and let them drop to the floor in favor of catching Barba's face in his hands and pulling him close to kiss.

Barba put a knee on the seat of the chair to prevent Sonny from toppling him with his overeager kiss. He gave into it, allowing Sonny to wrap his arms around him and kiss him deeply. He pulled away soon, however.

"These pants are still salvageable and I'd like to keep them that way," he informed Sonny pressing another quick kiss to his lips. Sonny groaned but watched him walk over to the opposite side of the table and start flipping through a file of documents. He stood there, half naked and hard, and apparently unconcerned with anything that wasn’t work.

"Are you kiddin’ me?" Sonny demanded. Barba looked up at him, eyebrows raised and eyes wide. "You just sucked my brain out through my dick, didn't even let me return the fuckin’ favor, and now you're going back to work?"

Barba snorted but dropped the papers and looked up at Sonny with a smirk. "Am I hurting your pride by not fawning over you in your afterglow or by not presently requiring you to get me off?"

"Both!" Sonny said indignantly. "I mean, no, I don't need... But... Am I on your to-do list? Item one, court at 9am. Item two, sexually decimate a detective that has been crushing on me for a couple years. Item three, go right back to work!"

"I 'sexually decimated' you?" Barba asked with an eyebrow raised, amusement clear on his face. 

"Is that what you bumped on in that?!" Sonny's voice was louder and higher than he meant it to be and he clamped his mouth shut before he said something he regretted.

"No, I got it. The items. Item four would be take you out to dinner if you'd let me," Barba said levelly, making steady eye contact with Sonny. "I think I did promise you that. But I really do need to get this done before if you want my full attention on you tonight, I’ve got court early again tomorrow."

Sonny felt the righteous indignation leave him like air escaping from a balloon. "Oh," he said, a little helplessly, as he remembered the entire point of him coming home with Barba in the first damn place. "You could have said… I'd love to have dinner with you."

Barba huffed a laugh and walked over to him, tipping Sonny's head up by a grip on his chin. "Good," he said before kissing Sonny's lips quickly. "Go get yourself together and I'll be as fast as possible."

Sonny let himself sit there a few minutes more, catching his breath and letting go of the adrenaline his irritation had flooded him with. He watched Barba read standing up, sometimes jotting down a note, taking in the line of Barba’s body, his bare chest changing everything about a view Sonny had seen a few hundred times.

“So,” he said, unable to help himself. Barba looked up, expression one of practiced patience. “When you said ‘maybe later’…” 

Barba grinned as he realized what Sonny was alluding to. “Only if you behave yourself, Detective.”

“Don’t I always, Counselor?”


	2. Bedroom Hymns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “A crime of passion lacking the necessary mens rea to make this whole thing damning?” Sonny asked, mischievous smile coming over his features as he looked at Rafael hopefully.
> 
> Rafael snorted and rolled his eyes. “Are you offering me a misdemeanor plea?”
> 
> “No,” Sonny said, forcing his voice to sound casual. “I’m inviting you on a crime spree.”

Dinner started out awkward.

Sonny figured, somewhat rationally by his own estimation, that he should be less awkward with Barba now that there had been at least one orgasm between them. Somehow this wasn’t the case. Sonny figured, completely rationally, that it was probably his fault.

Barba picked a quiet little place a block from his apartment, the deep red walls reflecting on the large mirror behind the bar. He’d steered Sonny into it with a hand on the small of Sonny’s back, a move that felt natural until Sonny had a chance to look back at it.

“So,” Sonny said when they’d found a table and the bartender nodded at Barba. “You come here often?”

Barba blinked at him once then shook his head with something like pain knitting his eyebrows.

“Sorry,” Sonny said immediately. “I wasn’t trying to make a come on, I mean, we’ve already done the part that’s supposed to come after the come on, you know? Fuck, bad joke. Sorry. I’m nervous.”

“We have had dinner together before,” Barba reminds him.

“Yeah but that was ADA Barba and Detective Carisi, right? That’s not exactly the same as Sonny and…” He trailed off, unsure of himself.

Barba’s lips twitched in amusement. “You can call me Rafael. It’s not exactly presumptuous at this point.”

Sonny gave him a look. “It’s me. If there’s a wrong thing to say, I’m probably going to trip over it at some point.” Barba…  _Rafael_ grinned.

“How self-aware of you.” Sonny scoffed and looked away, fighting a smile of his own.

They settled into something approaching comfort, similar to the atmosphere they’d landed on when they worked together. Sonny got a $15 burger even though it was an affront to his soul to pay that much, which he informed Rafael of. Rafael rolled his eyes and informed him that Sonny wasn’t paying for it anyway so his soul could be appeased. Sonny squinted at him but decided not to fight him on it.

Sonny wondered absently if they should put a moratorium on talking shop then discarded it as Rafael launched into a story about this douchebag of a defense attorney in Brooklyn who had actually gotten laughed at by a judge. It wasn’t like he himself had much to talk about that wasn’t work or his family and he doubted Rafael wanted to hear about Gina’s seventh engagement announcement at family dinner last week or how his father had asked, point blank, if she was planning on actually getting to Pre-Cana with this one. Just because he’d found the ensuing throw-down drag-out hilarious didn’t mean Rafael would.

When the check came, Sonny reached for it on instinct. Rafael moved with such speed to snap it up and gave him so excessively severe a warning look that Sonny had to throw his head back and laugh. Rafael muttered, “Jackass,” under his breath, shaking his head, as he slipped a credit card out of his wallet but his crooked grin was enough for Sonny.

“So,” Sonny began as they stepped outside, shoving his hands in his pockets and hunching his shoulders against the slight chill the summer night had taken on. Rafael raised an eyebrow at him and waited. “Am I going back to your place or am I going to mine?”

Rafael’s eyes darted over Sonny’s face, lips pulling tight together. He let out a breath before saying, “You know this isn’t a good idea.” Sonny shrugged.

“It wasn’t a good idea this afternoon either but here we are, Counselor.” Sonny certainly wasn’t surprised by his answer. The logistics of it all had been circling his own head since Rafael had helped him into his jacket with a surprisingly minimal amount of mocking in his smile.

“This afternoon was… spontaneous,” Rafael said, expression neutral but gesturing with his arm that they should start walking. Sonny followed, close enough to his side that their arms brushed. Rafael didn’t pull away.

“A crime of passion lacking the necessary mens rea to make this whole thing damning?” Sonny asked, mischievous smile coming over his features as he looked at Rafael hopefully.

Rafael snorted and rolled his eyes. “Are you offering me a misdemeanor plea?”

“No,” Sonny said, forcing his voice to sound casual. “I’m inviting you on a crime spree.”

They walked in silence for a while. Sonny looked at the sky despite the light pollution, looking for a hint at anything that wasn’t a plane or a warning light at the edge of a skyscraper. He walked between Rafael and the street, trusting him to keep him from running into anything and using his own body to shield Rafael from the street. It was an instinct that long predated his time as a cop, that physical proximity meant protection, that if he stayed close enough to someone he could keep them from harm.

It wasn’t the first time Sonny had given a thought to protecting Rafael. The whole ordeal with Heredio had shaken Sonny to the core, if only because it had shaken Barba so completely. He always talked a big game but that was when Sonny learned that the strutting, the posturing, the “you can’t touch me” attitude, was all for his own protection. It was a self-defense mechanism and Sonny wasn’t sure he wanted to know what had occurred to make it so ingrained in Rafael that he could cling to it with his life on the line. But Sonny watched that mechanism fail and so he stepped in. Maybe, he thought, that was the point when it was all over for him.

Rafael glanced at him then looked away, shoving his far hand in his pocket. His near hand, however, he let brush against Sonny’s. Maybe it was all over for them both.

“I’d have to recuse myself from any case where you were the lead detective,” Rafael said suddenly, startling Sonny after long minutes of silence.

“I’m never lead, I’m still somehow the new guy in the office-” Sonny started but Rafael cut him off.

“Liv would want to know why. That’s something you have to consider.” 

“I could tell Liv,” Sonny muttered. “Liv’s not… She’d get it.” 

“Would she? That you’re sleeping with SVU’s go-to? She’d get that?” Rafael’s tone was neutral, the kind of neutral he got when cross-examining an unwitting witness who’d just walked themselves into a trap.

“You love Liv, don’t even pretend like you think she’d take this hard.” Sonny kept his voice light, like the whole conversation wasn’t a weight in his stomach.

“If you made the choice to be out or, worse, had that choice taken from you… There would be talk. About us. About you.” The thought of being forced out against his will sent a spike of anxiety through him but he pushed it down. That wasn’t relevant to this, he thought. That was separate.

“There’d be talk about you too,” Sonny reminded him. He toyed with a piece of lint from his pocket just to have something to do with his hand that wasn’t playing chicken with Rafael’s.

“There’s always talk about me. There’s talk about why I requested a lateral transfer to Manhattan, there’s talk about whether or not I like men, talk about whether or not I deserve my position. I have more enemies than friends. I always have. Mouth like mine, I always will. I’m not worried about talk about me. But you need to think about this.” This was delivered in the careful way that Barba discussed pleas, the tone somewhere between untouchable and conceding. Sonny hated it; he knew when he was being handled.

“I’ve been thinking about it,” he said, a little sharply. It was only half true. He’d given it some thought, of course, but not a lot. Not before today. Fantasies that were never going to happen didn’t require logistics be worked through. But Rafael kept talking like Sonny hadn’t said anything.

“Or you can accept that this afternoon, I was of use. And we leave it to lie there.”

Sonny’s blood ran cold. “You…” he started then stopped. “Of use? You did it because I-”

“I told you,” Rafael said a little sharply. “I did it for no reason less than because I wanted to.”

Sonny stopped dead in the middle of the sidewalk, the gravel kicked up from the alley crunching under his feet. It took Rafael a moment to realize Sonny had stopped and he turned to find him.

“You wanted to because you… Is this you punishing yourself?”

“What?” was Rafael’s snapped reply.

Sonny gave a half shrug, anger filling his chest like a lead weight and pulling his back ramrod straight. “Is this… some self-flagellatory exercise for you? You fuck me because you couldn’t help that girl?” Something like impatience flashed across Rafael’s face, replaced almost instantaneously with something too close to white-hot fury that made Sonny take a step back on instinct.

“I wanted to make you feel good,” Rafael hissed quietly, well-aware they were on a city street by the way his eyes darted to the patios around them. “I wanted to do fucking  _something, accomplish_ something, for someone else. But by all means, make that something to crucify me for.”

“I don’t want to be something you accomplish!” Sonny cried, the words sounding far too much like a whine for his pride; he bit back the rest of what he was saying behind clenched teeth, face twisted with frustration and hurt.

“For fuck’s sake! I wanted you because I wanted  _you_! I’m asking you what you want from me because you have so much more to lose here than I do. Stop thinking with your inferiority complex and start thinking with your fucking head!”

He turned to start walking again but Sonny grabbed his wrist and bodily turned him. “What do I have to lose here, exactly?” he demanded to know. Rafael let out a sound halfway to a snarl and used that hold to drag them both towards the alley and away from the street.

“Think! You couldn’t testify for me anymore. If you were out, you’d have to deal with that.”

“The squad-”

“SVU is not the issue. You think NYPD is so enlightened that it’s easy for out cops now? That’s not even mentioning how they feel about _me_.”

“About you?”

“You think they’ll look at you the same if they find out you’re fucking me? The beat cops of the 27th who you need to have your back? The ones who will never forgive me for trying to put away three of their own? You think the rest of my enemies in NYPD will consider you off-limits or have any sort of moral qualm about making your life difficult just because they can?”

Sonny shook his head; none of this was making any sense and he couldn’t seem to penetrate the fog of righteous anger and utter frustration. His hands fluttered helplessly around his waist, settling into a crossed position across his chest. The only thing that made sense was clinging to what he knew, that Barba was trying to shake him but not brave enough to spit it out. “If you don’t want to be with me, just fucking say it and I’ll never touch you again.”

“Are you even fucking listening? I want you. That’s the entire goddamn problem! But they will destroy you.”

Sonny stopped and stared at him. “So… you’re hurting me to protect me? Is that supposed to make me _feel better_?”

Then something happened to Rafael that Sonny had never seen: he seemed to run out of words. He opened his mouth and closed it again, anger fading as quickly as it’d risen on his face. “I don’t want to hurt you.” The words were quiet and felt honest even as his face revealed nothing but a carefully-maintained distance. Sonny felt his shoulders sag in response as the tension dripped away.

“Sure got a funny way of showing it,” Sonny muttered, trying to hang on to the fight in him for no reason other than pure stubbornness. Rafael’s eyes searched his face and then his expression somehow closed even more.

“This is not a conversation I should have started here. I’m sorry. I understand if it’s a conversation you never want to have,” Rafael said, voice and expression devoid of emotion. He wouldn’t even look Sonny in the eye as he said the words. Sonny was caught somewhere between exasperation and helplessness. How exactly, after how Rafael had mocked and mangled his own helpless words about being of use, had he come out of this whole thing feeling like the fight was his damn fault?

“Oh no. You’re not getting rid of me that easy, Counselor,” Sonny said with more bite than he maybe intended and Rafael’s eyes jerked to his, like he was floored that Sonny wasn’t walking away with only a curse of Rafael’s name left between them. “What, you think a little nastiness and a few insults were gonna scare me off? I wouldn’t be here if it did. You’ve said worse to me, you know you have.”

Rafael opened his mouth to respond, something like apology resting in the empty space between his lips (or maybe Sonny just hoped it was). Shaking his head, he held his bottom lip between his teeth for less than half a second then squared his shoulders. He held a hand out to Sonny. “So the question remains, Detective. Where are you going now?”

Sonny took Rafael’s hand and squeezed it once before letting go. “What do you want?” he asked, genuinely curious.

“Come over,” Rafael said, glancing at Sonny. “If this is what damns me, so be it.” Sonny couldn’t stop himself from breaking out into a bright smile and hoping that something that felt far too pathetically like gratitude stayed off his face. He’d known from the start that he would take whatever Rafael was willing to give him, even while he couldn’t figure out what exactly Rafael was getting from this. If it was all out of pity…. then Sonny would deal with the fallout of the whole thing somewhere on the other side of all this.

Why do in half measures what you can destroy yourself with in one fell swoop.

“I promise I’m a better alternative than Hell,” Sonny joked weakly and delighted in the crooked smile pulling at the corner of his mouth Rafael tried to hide.

“I’ll believe it when I see it.”

 

Rafael slid one hand up Sonny's neck to settle at the base of his skull. Sonny swayed closer, feeling pulled in like an object trapped in orbit. He felt the calluses ridging the line of Rafael’s thumb and forming rough edges at the base of his thick fingers; Sonny tried not to arch into the touch like a cat, certain that Rafael would see it exactly for what it is.

"What do you need from me?" Rafael asked quietly; Sonny's knees felt weak as he licked his lips. Maybe he was always just fooling himself thinking that Rafael couldn’t see through all of his bullshit and bluster in a hot second. He swallowed hard, trying futilely to draw moisture into his dry throat from his parched tongue.

Sonny reached out tentatively to put his hands flat against Rafael’s shirt, the fine material shifting under his sweaty palms. "I need you. I need you to touch me. I need to be able to touch you back," he said, a little desperately. Rafael smiled, half teasing and half affectionate.

"Was it difficult for you earlier, when I wouldn't let you get me off?" Rafael asked, fingers playing with Sonny's hair. Sonny's ability to speak was hampered greatly by Rafael's hands on him and he moved a little closer, elbows bending as he brought his chest a few mere inches from Rafael’s.

"You know it was,” Sonny said, a petulant note far too apparent in the words. He switched tacks; if he had to embarrass himself, he’d do it begging, not whining. Better still, he could act like an adult capable of more stamping his feet and clinging like a toddler. “I want to make you feel good. I don't just want to take." He knew his expression was stubborn but Rafael just gave a slight smile, no more than an amused twitch of the lips.

"You're not used to it, are you? Not being able to give your partner pleasure, not being able to give more than you get. Being the center of attention, your own orgasm being the only thing that matters to either of you." It wasn't a question and Rafael didn't let go. Sonny squirmed under the hand on his neck as Rafael planted the other one on Sonny’s hip and held him in place. "How many men have you been with?"

The twisting fog of arousal dissipates in an instant and leaves something uncomfortably close to shame. It feels like Sonny missed a step on the stairs, the way he missed a step in this line of questioning. "A few," he says, irrationally defensive. "I'm not, you know, _easy_ but..." He trailed off, suddenly uncertain and self-conscious under Rafael's hands. He'd been with a grand total of three men. Well, two men and a boy when he was in high school. He'd only had sex with one of them, a fact that was painfully present in that moment. They’d had quite a lot of it, which should have helped him feel not completely inexperienced but he was coming to accept the fact that he’d always feel outmatched and outgunned against Barba in any arena.

"Of course," Rafael said breezily, tone holding a hint of a tease. "You're a nice boy." He accompanied this with a flick of the hand that had been on Sonny’s hip, undoing Sonny's top button for the second time that day. "Do nice boys like you normally have sex on a first date?" The arousal was back just as fast as it had gone, a fiery grip clenched in his belly. His breath came short and he felt himself lean into Rafael like he couldn’t help himself.

Sonny licked his lips and shook his head. "No," he said, voice raspy. It almost hurt to swallow.

"Should I feel special then?" Rafael asked, an eyebrow raised. He undid a few more buttons and Sonny _quivered_ .  Rafael saw it, felt it, by the way he looked at the contracting muscles on Sonny's stomach and pressed fingers a little harder into Sonny's scalp. Sonny opened his mouth in a breathy groan, hips grinding forward into air, seeking something, _anything_.

"I can't," Sonny breathed out, eyes still closed and hands gesturing in something like supplication around his waist. "I don't think I can..."

Rafael took his hands off Sonny in an instant, eliciting a low whimper and a hurt look from Sonny. "Can't what?" Sonny shook his head and turned his gaze away, face burning. "If you need to leave, I-"

"No!" Sonny said, eyes wide with alarm shooting back to Rafael. "No, I... I don't think I can stop myself from touching you for much longer. I... God, I need you so much. I never... I've never wanted to touch someone like this so soon after…"

Rafael visibly relaxed, crooked smile gracing his lips again. "Who said you couldn't touch me?" It was all Sonny needed to hear.

Sonny kissed him, practically diving at him. Rafael rocked back a little at the impact but braced them both up, letting Sonny kiss him however he wanted. Sonny cradled his face in his hands, much more gentle than the way Sonny went at his mouth. Rafael put his hands on Sonny's waist and rocked up to meet him.

Sonny was used to kissing people shorter than him. But he was also used to treating his partners like they were fragile, breakable. Kissing Rafael like this, the only thing that felt breakable was himself.

"Off," he whispered against Rafael's mouth then pulled back. "Your shirt. Will you..." He stopped and squared his shoulders, gathering Rafael’s own words and reactions as armor. "Can I take your shirt off you?"

Rafael twitched a smile before tugging Sonny against his chest by the belt loops. "Please do." His voice was low and his smile sharp. It felt like a reward, a treat meant to reinforce how to ask for what he wanted. Sonny's hands went immediately to the buttons on Rafael's shirt.

He'd gotten a few open when Rafael tugged him in again, bringing their hips together. Sonny swallowed hard but undid a few more buttons. He gasped when Rafael rocked against him, clutching at him. One hand landed on Rafael's bicep, the other on his shoulder.

"Oh," Rafael said, watching Sonny's face. "Am I distracting you?" He rocked his hips again and Sonny's grip tightened. He tipped forward and buried his face in Rafael's neck, mouth open in a groan against the bare skin of Rafael's shoulder. "So sweet," Rafael crooned in his ear, hands shifting to the small of Sonny's back as he pulled him in tighter, never letting up on the movement of his hips. "I would have had you against the wall this afternoon if I knew this was how you'd react."

Sonny made a noise, a muffled, bitten-off whimper; Rafael huffed a laugh in his ear, sounding more malevolent than Sonny believed his body should be into. "I may get you off twice before I even get you in my bed. How long has it been since your last time?" he teased.

Sonny groaned and leaned into the feeling of Rafael's cock against his own. "A few hours," he gritted out against Rafael's shoulder.

"If you've still got jokes, clearly I'm not doing my job," Rafael said. "Maybe I should get you up against the wall now." Sonny whimpered and rut against Rafael. "You'd like that? Staying where I put you, just taking what I give you."

Sonny made a noise of protest against Rafael's neck, even lifting his head to voice his indignation. Rafael took advantage and gently pushed Sonny away from him, once and then again and then one last half step until Sonny's back hit the wall. "I'll let you give later, I promise. For now, I want to watch you fall apart."

“Didn’t you already-” Sonny began but Rafael leaned in to nip at the underside of Sonny’s jaw; Sonny clutched at his shoulders, Rafael’s shirt crumpling in his hand. The feel of the fabric reminded him that he was much more interested in skin and he went after Rafael’s buttons with renewed determination. Once he had them all undone, he shoved the shirt down Rafael’s arms. There was more resistance than he expected, mostly in the form of Rafael’s arms on Sonny’s hips preventing the shirt from budging. Sonny shoved again, watching as it restrained Rafael’s arms just a little, just enough to pull his elbows into his side and lift his hands from Sonny. Rafael brandished his wrists at Sonny, clearly wanting him to undo the cuffs and free Rafael’s arms. Sonny wasn’t really in a hurry to comply.

He did what he’d been denied that afternoon, what he’d wanted from the moment he’d seen Rafael bare before him: he ran his hands over skin. Rafael’s stomach muscles contracted as Sonny’s fingertips glided across it, skin rising in bumps as Sonny grabbed at Rafael’s sides. Sonny had known that Rafael was thick, a solid, dense presence that no suit could hide. He underestimated just how much he would appreciate having that presence in his arms. “Fucking hell,” he muttered and slid his palms up to Rafael’s chest. It was a movement reminiscent of what he did with women, something that he was pretty sure Rafael picked up on but didn’t protest. He stopped once his fingers hit Rafael’s nipples, choosing to focus a little rather than continue his more general exploration. 

Rafael hissed a little as Sonny took one of his nipples between his thumb and forefinger. Sonny almost physically stepped back, so surprised that he’d managed to get such a noise from Rafael. It wasn’t much but it was the first noise he’d actually managed to coax from Rafael. He applied a little more pressure, just to see what else he could get from Rafael. The hum of pleasure that followed as Rafael reached for Sonny’s waist again was thrilling.

“Jesus,” Sonny whispered, hands moving across Rafael’s chest again. They stopped once they reached Rafael’s broad shoulders, fingers digging into the tense line of muscle at the base of Rafael’s neck on reflex. Rafael groaned and Sonny pressed his forehead to Rafael’s, like if he shared Rafael’s air he could better feel the impact of the noises he was drawing from him. Rafael caught Sonny’s mouth again, easy enough even with limited use of his hands. Sonny’s hands slid down from Rafael’s shoulders to his waist, pulling him tight against his chest.

“Are you done?” Rafael asked, voice low and intimate, when he pulled away. “Or are you just going to touch my shoulders until you come?”

Sonny’s first reaction was to pull his hands away, burned by the contact of even Barba’s gentlest teasing, but he fought it off. “I’m taking my time. You said I’d get to give. I’m giving.”

“I was thinking more that you’d fuck me but I won’t deprive you of whatever you’re getting from this.”

“Thanks so much,” Sonny said, voice flat, but he didn’t take his hands from Rafael’s skin. Rafael could get under his skin and needle like no one Sonny had ever experienced before but he had no intention of letting Rafael prod him into rushing through this. First times were a big deal with a new partner; just because he wasn’t normally desperate enough to have them immediately follow first dates didn’t mean he wasn’t going to treat this, treat Rafael, as preciously as he had the others.

That also didn’t mean that he didn’t get a thrill out of Rafael asking Sonny to fuck him. But if he thought too much about that, he might start rushing instead of appreciating. And there was so much to appreciate.

Sonny decided to give in, just a little; he reached for Rafael’s wrists and undid the cuffs, even though Rafael could have done it himself if he really wanted to. He let Rafael’s shirt fall away, biting his lip as he watched. He’d technically already seen this exact picture before, Rafael shirtless with his suspenders hanging at his waist. It hadn’t even been that long ago. But Sonny couldn’t stop himself from staring, reaching out to run his hands from Rafael’s wrists to his shoulders, fingers trailing across defined forearms and wide biceps.

“Fuck,” he muttered, stepping into Rafael just to kiss him again. He wondered if maybe the novelty of pressing his lips to Rafael’s, of opening his mouth to Rafael’s presence, would ever get old. He discarded the thought as ridiculous as Rafael sighed against him; who could ever get tired of that?

Rafael’s hand moved to Sonny’s waist, taking hold of the part still joined, and Sonny had to tamp down an irrational urge to step back. Rafael, of course, noticed. “You OK?” Sonny leaned into Rafael’s touch, almost in apology.

“Absolutely,” he said, a little breathless. He was suddenly so nervous, like he was somehow going to fuck this up. He was going to get _Rafael Barba_  into bed. It was basically a miracle they’d gotten this far without Sonny being terrified of fucking it all up. One shot, Sonny, he told himself.

Rafael watched his face with something like suspicion. “Don’t do that,” he said, with only a hint of an edge.

Sonny raised his shoulders defensively. “Do what?”

“Act like I’m going to kick you out if you take even a single misstep. Act like I haven’t made it clear I want you here.”

Sonny sagged so suddenly, Rafael stepped closer to catch him. “You know, I heard it when you said it. When you said you wanted it. Wanted me. I heard it. But I..” he trailed off, shaking his head. “You know what you are to me, right? You can’t have missed how I…”

“How you look at me?” Rafael replied.

“I’ve been trying to please you since I met you. I can’t leave that at the door.” He gestured wide aimlessly then ran his fingers through his hair, not even giving a shit if it fucked it all up. “I want to please you.”

Rafael smiled a little helplessly, fingertips of one hand pressed to his forehead. “You know, you were angry at me earlier for making it sound like this,” he gestured between them, “is an obligation.”

“I didn’t mean it like that. I don’t… I’m not here because I admire you or because I want to follow your path. I’ve wanted you from the moment I met you. It’s not separate from wanting to please you.” Sonny fought the urge to put his hands in his pockets, just to keep his hands off Rafael, from reassuring him physically that Sonny wanted him.

“What makes you think I didn’t want you then too?”

Sonny’s head shot up, searching Rafael’s face for any hint he was teasing. All he was met with was utter seriousness, maybe even an edge of impatience. He was familiar with the look; it was what Barba had worn as he walked Sonny through voir dire, as he’d pointed out holes in Sonny’s theories when it was just the two of them in Barba’s office. It said, “I know you can keep up.” The feeling knocked him on his ass, the utter devastation of knowing that Rafael Barba had looked at him, clumsy and brash and far too willing to open his mouth, with want.

“Even with the mustache?” he joked weakly. Rafael ducked his head like he was trying to hide the crooked grin on his face and rolled his eyes dramatically when he looked up again.

“In spite of maybe, that was fucking awful,” Rafael said, taking a step towards Sonny. Sonny met him halfway, kissing him hard while he tore at the few buttons left done at his waist. He tossed his shirt aside and moved his hands back to Rafael’s body, letting them feel out the muscles of Rafael’s back, feeling power and tension under his hands. Sonny tried to pour everything he was feeling into that touch; how much he wanted Rafael, how much he wanted to be wanted by Rafael, how precious this thing between them was, how fragile. He trusted Rafael to understand it all.

Rafael stopped kissing him when Sonny’s hands went to Rafael’s fly. He opened his mouth and Sonny cut him off. “Don’t ask me if I’m all right with this,” he said, voice low and urgent. “I’ve never wanted anything, _anyone_ , more. Are you all right with this?”

Rafael nodded once, decisively. Sonny popped the button and pulled the zipper down, revealing Rafael’s cock, hard and straining in his underwear. Sonny groaned and drew a matching one from Rafael’s throat when he reached out and palmed Rafael through the fabric.

It wasn’t that Sonny had never thought about this. He had spent far too many jerk-off sessions thinking about Barba’s cock, what it would look like, what it would feel like in him. Now that he had it in his hand, he put aside all thoughts of his own pleasure and sought out Rafael’s. He wanted to see just how much he could wring out of him, noises and orgasms alike.

“I _was_  disappointed when you wouldn’t let me get you off earlier,” Sonny said right into Rafael’s ear, stepping closer to shove at Rafael’s pants and underwear with one hand and using the other to hold Rafael’s cock. He shivered when Rafael breathed a bitten-off moan as he put a hand on the small of Sonny’s back. “C’mere, c’mon, come _here_ ,” he whispered, Rafael shuffling closer until they were pressed together from knees to chest, Sonny’s hand still between them. He couldn’t jack Rafael off, not like this, but he was kinda OK with that. He certainly wasn’t in any hurry.

“Poor thing,” Rafael said, breaking off on a stuttered groan as Sonny applied a little pressure to Rafael’s cock. “You’ve been deprived.” Sonny leaned forward and bit lightly at Rafael’s neck. All he got from Rafael was a quick inhalation of breath. “So you’ve got me now. What are you going to do with me?”

Sonny groaned, forehead pressed to Rafael’s shoulder. “Everything. I want to do everything. I don’t even know where to start.”

Rafael placed a hand on the back of Sonny’s neck, squeezing just a little rough. “My bed is a good place to start. I’ve been thinking about seeing you in it since dinner.”

Sonny pulled back and jacked Rafael’s cock twice in quick succession just to watch him throw his head back. “Only since dinner?”

“Are you asking me if I’ve entertained the thought of you underneath me in my bed before tonight? If I’ve thought about making you moan and shake, feeling you come around me? If I’ve thought about the noises you’d make when I touched you or the way you’d thrash and whine if I didn’t?” Sonny swallowed hard, free hand drifting to adjust his own cock. Rafael put one hand on the side of Sonny’s neck, one eyebrow quirking up as their gazes caught. “You know I have.”

“ _Fuck_ ,” Sonny said, heartfelt. He took a step back when Rafael shoved at his chest and collided with the wall.

“I need these out of the way first,” Rafael reminded him, tugging at Sonny’s waistband. Sonny nodded so hard, the crown of his skull whacked against the wall, more noisy than painful. “Don’t concuss yourself. You can’t fuck me in the ER.”

Sonny laughed but cut it off with a deep moan when Rafael slid his hand under the elastic of Sonny’s underwear. It wasn’t the first time Rafael had put a hand on his dick but something about this felt so intimate. Maybe it was the way Rafael had him pressed against the wall. Maybe it was that Rafael had told him he wanted him, said it until Sonny maybe even believed him. Maybe it was the way Rafael’s voice had rumbled against his ear when he leaned in to say, “Beautiful,” as he ran his fingers over Sonny’s cock.

"'m not," Sonny protested weakly, leaning back against the wall as he jerked his hips up into Rafael's hand.

"Not what?" Rafael asked, thumbing the slit of Sonny's cock and making him unable to get anything coherent out for long seconds.

"Not beautiful," he managed to grit out as Rafael pressed the palm of one hand against the V of Sonny's hips while the other trailed light touches up to the base of Sonny's cock.

"You are," Rafael said, tone conversational as if this was as much a fact as the sky being blue. “But the way you fall apart is even more so.”

Sonny's head thudded back against the wall as Rafael got a firm grip on the base of Sonny's cock. "Shit," he muttered.

Rafael's hand left Sonny's hips and slid lower, brushing and toying with Sonny's balls before reaching behind them. Sonny jumped and Rafael's hand paused. Pushing down the sudden return of nerves, Sonny leaned back into the touch. He'd be embarrassed about grinding down on the two fingers pressed to the rim of his hole if he hadn't thrown his head back and gave a gasp like the air had been punched from his lungs. It felt a little like it had, like those two thick, long fingers had pressed up into him and knocked his breath right out of his body.

Rafael hushed him gently. “I had planned that, if anything were to happen tonight, you’d fuck me. Would you prefer me to change that plan?”

“No. Yes. I don’t… I don’t know,” Sonny said, nails digging into Rafael’s shoulders as he thrashed under Rafael’s hands. “I do, I just… I don’t know.”

Rafael moved his hands away and Sonny groaned, shoulders jerking as he tried to lever himself up to follow. All he received for his trouble was a hand in the center of his chest.

“Think about it. Take your time.”

Then Rafael turned and walked into his bedroom, leaving him there against the wall with his pants around his knees. Sonny took the time to make his mind reengage, to consider now that he wasn’t being slowly driven crazy (or to orgasm, which mostly resulted the same). He shoved at thoughts that nudged at him, thoughts reminding him of how ridiculous this whole thing was, that Barba would take him home at all. That he was asked to seriously evaluate what he wanted here was almost too much.

He took a deep breath, squared his shoulders, and shoved his pants down to his ankles before stepping out of them. The experience of walking into Rafael Barba’s bedroom completely bare almost took his breath away and his steps faltered when Rafael glanced up at him from the en suite.

“Decision made?” he asked. Sonny nodded, trying to project a calm he didn’t exactly feel. He didn’t regret his choice though.

“I want to fuck you,” Sonny said, voice quiet but clear. Saying the words out loud sent a shiver through him, something like humiliation hitting his nerve endings as it tumbled down the length of his body. He kept his head high and tried not to file away the fact that somehow he was more turned on standing here under Rafael’s gaze than he had been under his hands.

Rafael nodded once before looking over Sonny one last time. He underhanded a plastic bottle at Sonny, who caught it with one hand and examined it. It was a bottle of water-based lube, maybe a quarter of the product missing from the top.

"If you're so invested in putting in the work, of giving, you can do this too. Can't you?" It's less question than Sonny thought (hoped) Rafael intended and more challenge.

"You..." Sonny started but his voice fizzled out. He cleared his throat and tried again. "You want me to open you up?"

"Problem?" Rafael asked, one eyebrow raised. He knew that if he said yes, Rafael would drop the challenge in an instant. But if he said no...

"C'mere," Sonny demanded, voice rough. Rafael didn't move, only graced him with a lazy smile as he leaned back with one elbow on the countertop of his bathroom. Sonny took in the view: the wide chest, the thick arms, the solid legs, and there, between them all, the cock that had starred in far too many of Sonny's fantasies. He didn't imagine this whole ordeal, knowing what that cock looked like, feeling it in his hand, was going to deter his brain from supplying Barba's face and body the next time he needed to get off.

"Don't make me come get you," Sonny warned, a little surprised at his own challenging tone. Rafael just looked over him again, very obviously considering whether to take him up on it. With a quick tilt of his head, he indicated that it wasn't worth it and strolled out of the bathroom, flipping the light off behind him.

"Don't strain yourself," Rafael said, tone lofty but expression aggressive in intent. "I'm here."

"Not close enough," Sonny complained. Rafael took a single step toward him. Sonny growled at him, drawing a huffed laugh from Rafael. "You gotta make fucking everything hard, don't you? Gotta push it, push me."

"You like it when I push you," Rafael said simply and grinned predatorily when Sonny stepped towards him and pulled him in by the hips. "You like it when I'm mean to you, when I meet every comment or complaint with a bite. You like me telling you what to do." Sonny shivered and pressed his open mouth to Rafael's neck. "You liked me having you against a wall. You liked me ordering you around from my knees." Sonny whined and bit down, listening to Rafael hiss before a hand came up to cup Sonny's skull, blunt nails pressing hard into the skin as that hand kept him in place. He could almost taste the timbre of Rafael's voice as the vibration traveled through the tongue Sonny had laving at the underside of Rafael's jaw. “What else would you like? Acting needy for me? Or giving it back as good as you’ve ever gotten?” He pushed Sonny away from him, watched as Sonny fell back onto the bed. Rafael followed him down, biting his way up Sonny’s chest. “Show me. Let me see what you’re like.”

Sonny shuddered underneath Rafael, couldn’t help but let his legs fall wider to accommodate Rafael settling between them. His cock was trapped between their bellies while Rafael’s nudged just behind his balls, coaxing a shuddering whine from Sonny’s throat with every shift of their hips.

Rafael bit at Sonny’s neck. “You _are_  needy,” he said like it confirmed a suspicion. He grinned at Sonny’s noise of indignant protest before continuing. “I’d like to see you if you can give any of it back though. Where’s that fight gone?”

Hissing in scorn at what was probably the least subtle (and unfortunately effective) attempt at riling him, Sonny wrapped an arm around Rafael’s back and leveraged his weight under Rafael and flipped them; he sat up on his knees over Rafael just to take it all in. That strong, confident body against soft cotton sheets, the dusting of dark hair on his chest, at the V of his hips, on his limbs, the hard cock that lay just inches away from Sonny’s as they both let droplets of precome pool on the soft skin of Rafael’s stomach, the lazy expression Rafael wore… it all came together in the most beautiful picture Sonny had ever seen.

“Did you manage to find that fight?” Rafael asked, one eyebrow arched as Sonny grabbed the bottle of lube from near the metal baseboard of the bed where he’d dropped it after Rafael tossed it at him. He popped the cap and poured a little onto his fingers, rubbing them against each other until they were all coated. Rafael spread his legs wider, bumping his thighs against Sonny’s knees. “You’re going to have to rearrange yourself if you want those in me.” Sonny ignored him in favor of reaching down between them to rub a slick finger around Rafael’s hole. He would have maybe considered how awkward the contortion of his body might look in the dim light in Rafael hadn’t had his eyes closed, head tipped back and mouth open to let out a slow exhale that was almost a groan.

"Come on, is that it?" Rafael asked, voice low and rough. "You said you wanted to fuck me so do it. Or do you need step-by-step instructions?"

Sonny growled, internally thrilled at how easily Rafael was goading him, pushing him, into action. He leaned back to get out of the way of Rafael's legs, having every intention of putting them where he wanted them. Catching one of Rafael's legs behind the knee, Sonny pushed it up until Rafael's thigh almost touched his chest. The position left Rafael exposed and open but he could have been strolling in his Sunday best with how much he let it affect his demeanor.

"In me," he coaxed Sonny. "You've got me like this. But do you know what to do from here?"

Anger flared in Sonny's chest and he shoved a finger inside Rafael with rough force. Immediately after, he was flooded with a guilt so intense, he almost missed Rafael moaning and breathing out, "Good boy."

“Sorry,” Sonny whispered and Rafael reached a hand up to pull him down by the neck, the leg between them falling to Rafael’s side. Rafael nipped at Sonny’s bottom lip before kissing him.

“Don’t be,” Rafael told him. “I want you to.”

“To what? Hurt you?” Sonny looked away, shame keeping him from meeting Rafael’s eye.

“To stop worrying. I meant it when I said I wanted fight.” The look on Rafael’s face shifted from something almost gentle to challenging and predatory. “I’ll let you know if, by some miracle, you come up with something I can’t handle.”

Sonny looked at him, lust, irritation, and pure affection battling within his chest. “Don’t tempt me,” he said, darker and full of more promise than he felt. He was rewarded by Rafael’s smirk, the “fucking try me” Barba specialty. Sonny had never had it turned on himself before; he wasn’t surprised that it got him just as hot as watching Rafael pull it out in the courtroom.

Rafael didn’t say anything, just rolled his hips up. Sonny raked his nails over Rafael’s chest in retaliation. The guilt flared up again until Rafael’s surprised, subdued laugh focused his attention on Rafael’s mischievous grin. “Now you’re getting it.” He rolled his hips up again, grinding against only air as Sonny sat up. Sonny knew that he towered over Rafael, especially like this. But even between his knees, Rafael looked titanic, his physical presence so much more than his stature provided.

Or maybe something in Sonny just naturally wanted to give way for him. He didn’t know and tucked it away to consider later. Now wasn’t the time to psychoanalyze whatever this was.

Now was the time to push his finger back inside Rafael, slower and with much less cruelty but the same inexorable force. Rafael sighed, legs shifting wider while one hand creeped up to wrap around the metal frame of the headboard.

Sonny stayed with one finger for longer than was probably technically necessary and far too long for the patience of his bedmate. Rafael made his displeasure at Sonny’s glacial pace known by bringing a heel up to slam into the back of Sonny’s thigh. Sonny let out a shout of surprise and tipped forward, catching himself with a hand on Rafael’s sternum. Huffing out a lungful of air, Rafael managed to grit out, “Pick up the fucking pace.” Sonny moved so his weight was no longer pressing down on the center of Rafael’s chest, hand holding him up beside Rafael’s head so he could lean down and kiss him.

For his trouble, he got Rafael’s nails raking across his back and a hiss of, “Fuck me.” Sonny sat back up and shoved two fingers inside him roughly, the newly-introduced digit drier than Sonny would have normally preferred. Judging by the way Rafael’s back arched, he didn’t mind it near as much as Sonny would have in his place. Sonny fixed that when he pulled them out, slopping lube over Rafael’s hole and on his own fingers.

Rafael hummed a whine and rolled his hips back to meet Sonny’s thrusts. Something about the movement filled Sonny with the urge to feel the muscle under Rafael’s skin and he leaned forward to press his lips to the undulating motion of Rafael’s abdomen. Rafael scratched lightly at Sonny’s scalp, something close to a pet, before moving his hand to twist in the fabric of his soft sheets.

“You can do better,” Rafael muttered, half challenge and half affirmation. Sonny pushed his fingers in hard, twisting, scissoring, and crooking his fingers. Rafael cursed and thrashed and arched his back but never moved his hips an inch away from where Sonny had him. “Come on, c’mon,” Rafael murmured. Sonny pulled his fingers out in a slow, halting, twisting manner that earned him some more gasps and mumbled blasphemies, each one utterly precious in Sonny’s ears.

Sonny rolled his ring finger around the rim of Rafael’s hole, catching the excess lube that dripped there when Sonny had gotten a little overzealous. It wasn’t quite enough and it wasn’t particularly effective but Rafael didn’t seem to care when Sonny shoved all three fingers in him at once. Rafael’s knees flew up to bump Sonny’s sides as he cried out, toes actually curling against Sonny’s calves.

Working him over, Sonny spread his fingers wide and started dragging them out like that, one of Rafael’s heels coming up to dig into Sonny’s lower back. Sonny thrust in and pulled them out slowly, feeling Rafael’s muscles clench and drag around him. Rafael gave a shuddering sigh, eyes closed and mouth wide. Sonny thrust in hard again and savored the soft cry that turned quickly to a moan. He kept up the pace after that, wondering what noises he could draw from Rafael.

“Just like that, baby,” Rafael said, voice soft and quiet but eyes taking in every nuance of Sonny’s expression. Sonny matched Rafael’s groan with one of his own, tipping forward to crush his face into the cradle of Rafael’s shoulder. “Yeah?” Rafael asked, one hand letting go of the sheets to tangle in Sonny’s hair. Twisting his fingers, Sonny mouthed at Rafael’s Adam’s apple as Rafael threw his head back, strangled moan matching the power of his clenched fist in Sonny’s hair.

“Fuck, fuck,” he muttered, pushing back against Rafael’s hand, reveling in the feel of Rafael’s nails against his scalp. He pushed back a little more and Rafael let go, fingers slowly uncurling from their grip. “Condom. Where, I need…” Sonny knew he was babbling but he didn’t care. He was clear enough in what he was asking that Rafael waved at the top drawer of his bedside table with the hand that had yanked on his hair, other hand still wrapped around the bedframe.

Sonny pulled at the drawer Rafael had indicated, ignoring the scratch as Rafael ran his nails up and down the thigh braced between Rafael's legs as Sonny leaned over him. He pulled the package out and was battling the cardboard to give up its latex prize when Rafael turned those nails to Sonny's stomach. Jumping on instinct, Sonny fumbled the box and watched through the dim light as it hit the floor, top opening to spill foil packages.

"Shitfuck," he muttered as he looked down at the box, now so far from his grip. Rafael snorted.

"Christ," he said, one hand covering his face and muffling his voice.

"Look, you knew I was a disaster when you told me you wanted me, you don't get to bitch like this is new information, OK?" Sonny complained as he climbed off the bed to retrieve the box. He had considered leaning over the edge to grab them, no getting up required, but he didn't even want to think about how Rafael would have reacted if he himself ended up taking the same trip to the floor as the condoms had done.

"Apparently, I had underestimated the extent to which you are a disaster," Rafael teased. As Sonny folded his long limbs underneath him on the bed once again, he reached between them to get a firm grip on Rafael's cock. Rafael let out a noise, little more than a sigh.

"I think I'm maybe doing all right," Sonny said, delighted grin at the soft sound ruining the smug façade he attempted.

"You could be doing better," Rafael reminded him. "I thought you wanted to make me feel good."

"I could," Sonny agreed, plucking the condom free. He leaned back to roll the condom on. Finished, he glanced down to find Rafael watching him. Rafael, holding his gaze, ran his tongue over his top lip. "Fuck," Sonny said, heartfelt, sincere, and helpless.

"The only thing keeping you from it is your own damned procrastinating. How did you get through law school if it takes you this long to just fucking _get in me_?" Sonny growled at him and shoved in two fingers just to watch the way Rafael's chest moved when he dragged a breath in. "That's it? You wasted all that time just to put your fingers back in me?"

"I'm a procrastinator, remember?" Sonny bit out as he spread his fingers wide and twisted them viciously, getting a rake of nails up his side in response.

"You're up against the deadline, Carisi," Rafael hissed. "Fuck. Me."

"You're the bitchiest lay I've ever had," Sonny informed him, crooking and twisting his fingers with nothing even approaching gentleness. He still felt a little… odd, maybe anxious, but he couldn’t deny that watching Rafael steadily losing it _because of Sonny_ was thrilling.

Rafael dug his heel into the back of Sonny's bent knee. He buckled and slammed forward into Rafael's chest, one hand bracing him up. "Wouldn't have to be if you'd get on with it." Sonny didn’t respond, just pulled his fingers out roughly. Rafael laid there, chest heaving and eyes closed, his shoulders and knees betraying the tension in his body.

So Sonny decided he’d drawn this out enough. He took his own cock in his hand and pressed forward until he slid inside Rafael, not stopping until he was fully seated. Rafael sighed and nudged his knees into Sonny’s sides like he was guiding a horse, firm but gentle.

“Do it,” he said simply and Sonny rushed to obey, ignoring as best he could the roaring in his own ears. He leaned forward, both hands braced on the bed on either side of Rafael’s head, and rolled his hips. Rafael’s hips moved up to join his and Sonny let one hand hold his weight, moving the other to catch the back of Rafael’s thigh and pull him in tighter and closer before putting his hand back where it had been. Rafael sighed when Sonny ground in again, the hand that wasn’t still clenched around the bedframe scratching at the soft short hair at the base of Sonny’s skull.

Sonny pulled away a little just to drive in again with force and finally, finally, got a full throated moan from Rafael. He shivered with it and repeated the motion. “Good boy,” Rafael whispered right in his ear as Sonny kept up and held the pace, Rafael’s blunt nails at his neck the entire time. “Just like that, baby.”

Moaning from somewhere so deep he felt it was being ripped from his chest, Sonny mouthed at Rafael’s chest, leaving a litany of curses, blasphemies, and pleas against the heated sex-damp bare skin. He tried his best to keep up the brutal pace, kissing some of the filthy praise out of Rafael’s mouth. Arms tiring, he went down to his elbows, shoulders and wrists aching of the strain of the pace and being stretched wide on either side of Rafael’s broad shoulders. Sonny bit and sucked at anything he could reach, listening as Rafael whispered in his ear, dripping praise and affirmation and dirty promise that took him closer and closer to the edge.

“Fuck,” he mumbled and pulled out entirely, half to hear Rafael’s indignant groan and half to revel in the way Rafael cried out and clung to him when he shoved back in. His heart was hammering in his chest and he was torn between chasing the orgasm he knew he couldn’t stop and wanting this to last as long as possible.

“How long have you wanted to do this?” Rafael asked, voice low. Sonny bit back a whine but didn’t reply, didn’t stop moving. “Will you remember this when we argue? The way you got me like this and pushed back, gave as good as you got?” Sonny groaned, nipping at Rafael’s neck, hips moving fast and brutal. “Trust me, I won’t forget what you look like with your back against the wall. I hope I get the chance to put you there again.”

Sonny cried out against Rafael’s collarbone, mouth wide but voice muffled. A few more savage thrusts and Sonny came, hands balled into fists while Rafael tugged sharply at his hair. He struggled against the fog taking over his brain, knees and elbows shaking as his hips stuttered and lurched through the aftershocks. He groaned as he pulled out, watching absently as Rafael’s back arched, cock still hard and red.

“Move up,” Sonny said, voice grating against his painfully dry throat as he struggled to sit up on his knees and shove at Rafael’s hips. It took a few seconds for Rafael to bite out, “What.” It was a statement more than a question and Sonny sympathized in the absent way that one does on the other side of an orgasm. “C’mon, just do it, sit up against the headboard.”

Rafael glared weakly, shuddering every few seconds from how close to the edge he was. “I should just do it myself,” he snapped as he slowly got his fingers to release from their death grip on the metal frame.

Sonny rolled his eyes as he carefully removed the condom. “Or you can sit back and let me take care of you.” He made faces as he struggled to get the damn thing tied off, not bothering to look up to see if Rafael was watching him. He was pissy enough and close enough that Sonny knew he could look forward to a bitchy response if Rafael caught him wasting time.

Rafael didn’t answer, just scooted back. He watched as Sonny followed him after dropping the condom on the bedside table, draping himself over Rafael’s lap. Rafael’s cock was intimidating up this close, looking larger than it felt in his hand. Or maybe he was just nervous at the thought of this. The desire outweighed the apprehension and he had pushed away a glancing thought about lust. Later. He’d deal with it all later.

“You can come in my mouth,” is the only thing he said aloud, the only warning he gave Rafael, as he leaned forward and sucked the head between his lips. Rafael shouted and thrust his hips up once, Sonny pulling back to watch him as he very deliberately pressed a hand against Rafael’s abdomen. Rafael nodded once and Sonny ducked his head again.

Sonny relaxed into it, his orgasm-limp body being supported mostly by Rafael’s own. As soon as he thought his arm wouldn’t give out from it all, he brought it up against Rafael’s cock, jacking it up to meet his lips as they slid down. Rafael tipped his head back to moan, clutching at Sonny’s arms, shoulders, hair. Sonny sucked harder, tongue curving over the edge of the head, and Rafael tensed and groaned, coming with a shuddering of his hips under Sonny’s hand.

He flinched on instinct as come hit his tongue and he swallowed thickly, dry mouth certainly not helping him with the bitter taste. He licked his lips automatically and tried to hide his distaste. You literally asked for this, Sonny reminded himself. Then he glanced up to Rafael’s face. Deep affection filled him at the speechless, boneless drape of Rafael’s body against the bed. He’d done that. He’d caused that face. He’d caused that orgasm, the one assailing his tastebuds. Suddenly it didn’t seem to matter so much as he leaned up to press a kiss to Rafael’s lips.

“Better than Hell,” Rafael muttered, eyes closed but a smile caught at the corner of his mouth. Sonny laughed, deeper and louder than the weak shot warranted.

“You all right?” he asked, watching Rafael’s eyes flicker open.

“Spectacular,” Rafael said flatly then smiled softly. He leaned forward and returned Sonny’s kiss. “Apologies.”

Sonny filled with cold, fear a lead weight in his chest, but struggled to only show Rafael a furrowed brow. “For?”

“Being an asshole. Something about you…” He trailed off.

Relief buoyed Sonny and he laughed. “Makes you an asshole?” he suggested.

“Makes me want to push you until you give in completely or fight back. I don’t know. I shouldn’t have brought any of that here without talking to you first.” He shook his head. “Forgive me?”

Sonny shrugged, leaning back so he could sit up, his legs a long sprawl in front of him and tucked underneath Rafael’s bent knees. “It’s not like I didn’t like it. You would have backed off if I’d freaked out.” Rafael nodded in assurance. “And it’s not like you were completely off-base. I may have… had some uncharitable thoughts of you. In the past.”

Rafael snorted, loud and undignified. Sonny was delighted. “I’m shocked.” He scratched at his stomach then pulled his hand away with a grimace before glancing around for something to wipe himself clean with. It was Sonny’s turn to snort as he grabbed up the condom and a box of tissues from the table and tossed a box at Rafael.

“Be right back,” he said as he headed into the en suite without a glance back to find a garbage can. The cold tile under his feet sent a shiver through him and he jumped at the sight of himself in the darkened mirror. Shaking his head at himself, he squinted his eyes against the darkness to find the garbage. Once found, Sonny was about to hurry back when a thought struck him. He should leave, shouldn’t he. They’d had sex, it was fun and all, but Sonny should be letting the door close behind him, not hurrying back to Rafael’s bed to, what, cuddle? And fuck, he didn’t want to think about the blunt way Rafael would tell him to get out or, somehow worse, that he might try to pussyfoot around it, take care with Sonny’s feelings for once. Disgusted and a little heartsick, he came out of the bathroom like he was walking to the gallows. Rafael, putting pillows and sheets back on the bed, didn’t notice.

“So, uh…” he said and Rafael glanced up. Sonny gestured with his thumb at the door, fully intending to announce that he was on his way out. Instead, what came out was, “Should I…”

Sonny hadn’t noticed how open Rafael’s expression had been when he looked up at him until it closed. “If you’re more comfortable leaving, I understand,” Rafael said, tone oddly formal. Sonny hesitated then nodded, glancing around at his clothes before remembering they were all in the living room. Because actually making it to the bed hadn’t been as big of a priority as exploring each other’s bodies in any way they could. Shoving down at a weird ache that had taken up residence in his heart, Sonny turned towards the door.

“I’d like you to stay, though. If you’d like to.” Sonny whirled around to face him, taking in the proud tilt to Rafael’s chin, the wide stance, the straight back. It all exuded strength and it hit Sonny like a ton of bricks that this was what vulnerability looked like on Rafael. He found himself nodding without thinking.

“Yeah,” he said, voice rough. “I do.” Rafael nodded back, turning back to making the bed. “I promised you a crime spree, didn’t I?” Sonny tried weakly. Rafael rolled his eyes and shook his head at Sonny but smiled a little. Sonny grinned back, tucking his moment away to treasure even if it all came crashing down.

 

Sonny woke up with Rafael’s forehead pressed to the center of his back, one arm draped over Sonny’s hip, and a phone blaring out harsh jangling notes in the pre-dawn dim. Rafael groaned.

“That you?” he asked, voice rough with sleep.

“Shit,” Sonny muttered. Reaching out blindly, he grabbed his phone and slid his thumb across the screen. “Lieu?” he asked, squinting against the bright light in the dark room. He sat up, ignoring the slight desolation he felt as Rafael’s arm fell away. He listened as Liv gave him an address and an outline of the situation. “Be there in…” he started but then trailed off, remembering suddenly he wasn’t home and he didn’t have a car. “On my way,” he said instead and hung up. 

He looked down at Rafael, whose eyes were squeezed shut. “Don’t tell me what time it is,” Rafael demanded. “It’s too early to acknowledge reality.”

Sonny smiled softly before leaning down to press a kiss to his cheek. “Sorry for waking you.” Rafael waved him away and pushed deeper into the pillows; Sonny snorted quietly then set about gathering his clothes. By the time he got his shoes on, Rafael was padding into the kitchen in sweatpants that hung low on his hips. He made a beeline for the expensive coffee maker in the corner of the kitchen and set it percolating with swift efficient movements.

"Thought it was too early to acknowledge reality?" Sonny teased, fingers quickly adjusting his tie.

“Alarm's going off in less than 15 minutes anyway. You going home first?” Rafael asked, scratching at his neck absently. Sonny glanced up from his shoelaces.

“No time,” he said, shrugging. “We don’t make our own hours.”

“Will anyone notice you’re wearing the same suit?” 

Sonny smiled balefully. “They’re used to it at this point. I’ve gotten better about it,” he ignored Rafael’s scoff at what he presumed was his wardrobe update, “but they wouldn’t be surprised. The same tie maybe, but who is gonna notice _that_?”

Rafael narrowed his eyes and walked into his room. Sonny ignored him in favor of shoving his wallet and badge into his jacket pocket and trying to remember where in his desk he left his holster. Rafael came back wielding a tie.

“Take it off,” he demanded and Sonny smirked at him.

“Can’t get enough of me?” he teased. Rafael took a step closer and yanked the tie on his neck out of its loose knot. “Ow,” Sonny complained mildly. The only response he received was the new tie, a soot black affair with strands of gray and silver that caught the light, wrapped around his neck and done up in seconds.

“I want it back,” Rafael reminded him and Sonny grinned.

“I’ll be sure to return it as soon as possible,” Sonny said with a wink. Apparently even less impressed with Sonny before caffeine than he was after it, Rafael rolled his eyes. When Sonny turned to leave though, Rafael caught his arm.

“Gimme a second,” he muttered and walked to the cabinet, grabbing a travel mug and filling it with coffee. “I want that back too,” he said gruffly, thrusting it into Sonny’s hand. Sonny set it down on the counter and pulled Rafael in, kissing him firmly on the mouth.

“Will do,” he said with a grin. He turned towards the door, checking his pockets by feel one more time as he did a mental checklist.

“Be of use,” Rafael said and it stopped Sonny short. He looked up to find Rafael smiling at him over his own cup of coffee. “Be safe.”

“Will do,” Sonny repeated. The moment felt heavy between them, like they were both waiting for the other to say something. Sonny couldn’t figure out what it was but it was broken when he suddenly remembered his phone still sat on the table and dashed back to get it.

Rafael was waiting with both their coffee mugs when he returned. Sonny accepted his with a quick, “Thanks,” and then added, “Can I come by later? Maybe bring lunch?” He was instantly horrified at himself, at how far he was pushing this. He’d had a one night stand with a sorta-kinda-not-really coworker and now he was trying to set up a second date? Without ever considering that maybe this was just a casual sex thing? Fuck. “I mean-” he started but Rafael cut him off.

“Liv will probably kick you out early again. Come by after. I should have at least an hour free.”

Sonny kissed him again, unable to stop himself. Then he glanced at his phone and headed for the door. “Sorry, I gotta… I’ll bring food. Bye.” The front door shut loudly behind him as he headed for the elevator.

His phone buzzed with a text just as he was climbing into a cab. Telling the driver the address Liv had given him, he checked the message.

“ _Actus reus non facit reum nisi mens sit rea_. To be truly culpable requires intent.” Sonny didn’t know what to say but was spared from having to answer by it buzzing a second time. “I’ll see you this afternoon.”

Tucking his phone back in his pocket, Sonny grinned to himself as he watched the magic of the city in the early morning zip by his window.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly don't even have words for how sorry I am about how long this took. I started working on it in January and I spent most of it trying to wrestle these boys into wanting to fuck more than they want to fight. But as that was very clearly a losing battle, I gave up. Every time I tried to ease some tension, it popped up in two more places. This fic was the fucking Hydra when it came to spats with these two.
> 
> But I hope it has more of a defined ending than the first chapter did? And was maybe worth the wait? [crosses fingers]
> 
> As always, I am here for comments, concerns, and general Feels-Having about this ships.

**Author's Note:**

> As always, I am here for comments, concerns, and general Feels-Having about this ships.


End file.
